Connecting with + Delighting My Inner Child
I’ve been thinking a lot about younger Kaitlin.
A prompt in Mory Fontanez’s debut “Higher Self” allowed me to envision all these versions of myself sitting at a table together and I imagined quiet and shy 7yo Kaitlin, dressed in a little sun dress and sandals, watching 18yo Kaitlin speak her mind without hesitation, with energy, confidence, ease, and passion, who was unknowingly also being watched by all these other versions of myself.
And I keep coming back to first-grader little me.
She’s a tender, sensitive, creative, curious, scared, anxious, tranced by unworthiness, beautiful, and gentle girl who doesn’t yet know what it feels like to be really seen.
She collects stickers, bites her fingernails, is a perfectionist, is endlessly annoyed with her younger brother, excels in the pool, worries she’s too old to still be playing with Barbies, is plagued with guilt when she lies, and seeks validation from her parents, teachers, peers, and extended family.
I’ve been remembering what delights her. What lit her up, made her laugh hard, made her forget the worries and stresses she placed on her little shoulders, what made her pause in awe, what calmed her nervous system, and what inspired her.
As present day 35yo Kaitlin, I’ve wanted to pause more and seek out the things that would comfort and delight my younger self because when I do, it’s refreshingly freeing not to mention still very joyful. So allow me to share a short list of the following:
Things I’ve been doing + things that have happened that delight my inner child
in no particular order…
Watching FernGully with my husband. A beloved movie I actually hadn’t watched since I was a child. I was surprised at how much came back to me as I watched it - remembering and reacting to all the parts I used to laugh at and love - the feeling of watching my favorite scenes and hearing the lines from Robin Williams’s voice (Hook and Mrs. Doubtfire were also childhood faves).
Getting caught in the rain. Austin had a few spontaneous April showers this week and I got caught in them twice. Feeling the cool rain in the warm air and smelling the petrichor, while laughing and running to be covered from it. It was a moment that happened in slow motion. 7yo Kaitlin would have laughed the hardest.
Stickers + stationery! When I moved to Austin, I was lucky enough to begin working part time in one of the most precious places: a local stationery store. 2.5 years in and I still work there every Friday and delight in all the vinyl stickers, sticker sheets, stamps, washi tape, brightly colored notebooks, and illustrated greeting cards. 7yo Kaitlin would lose her ever-loving sh*t.
Coloring more in my journal and coloring in coloring books to relieve stress and anxiety (recommended by my therapist). That’s it. My younger self LOVED coloring. Preschool and Kindergarten Kaitlin actually hated nap time and much preferred solo time tracing shapes and coloring while her classmates slept.
Crafting + collaging, mostly in my journal. I love using the previously mentioned stickers, washi tape, and stationery to transform a journal entry. Pages become “spreads” in a style similar to junk journaling or archive journaling. The time becomes a creative outlet, as well as an emotional and mental release.
Letting myself explore + learn about things i’m interested in without judgement. Any curiosity or question that emerges, I write down and look up to learn more. Letting myself indulge in these spontaneous interests brings back that sense of childlike wonder.
Playing - in pilates class, with Ginger, with John, and with myself. It looks sort of different now, but the joy is the same. Letting my body move in new ways in class, chasing Ginger in the yard, feeling safe being silly, kicking John’s butt in Gin Rummy, and swinging on the swing set in a neighboring lot in our neighborhood. Play is SO important and I think often overlooked by adults.
…realized I coincidently came up with exactly 7 things for 7yo me.
